I'm stressed / worried / disappointed. Is it that I need a smoke?

Nearly two years now I quit my job in order to start up some business with my brother. The deal was that I'd be preparing the field for when he's able to quit his high paying job. During that time I really spent a lot of time and money following many leads, practically all of them pointed by him.

About one and a half year after I quit, he too finally did. In the beginning he'd told me he'd quit no later than March 2002! Ha ha! He finally did in November 2003.

But instead of joining with me in doing something for ourselves and leaving "the rat race" as he calls it, he just joined another company that pays him even more money.

He said that he'd bring me onboard five months ago. He made me spend money (from my savings) in a lot of things to get ready for that; in things like a business suit, a laptop computer, etc. He also arranged for me to move to a better place, a real apartment, not the hotel room I've been living in for almost one year next to the garbage truck parking lot.

All of this I've payed by myself, even all of his expensive experiments for "our future business", even though I haven't received a salary for almost two years. I've never asked money from him because he used to tell me (before he got this current job) that he was short of money. I respect and love my brother very much.

But last night I learnt that he's taking his family to New Zealand for vacations, and also he offered a girl he barely knows to pay for her car. What the hell is that?

I even remember one day that I went to visit him in his new office very comfortably sat on his brand new executive desk, he told me he was "going to take care" of me. Except for a few meals and trinkets, I've taken care of everything by myself.

Is this "love and patience" for my brother or is this passiveness and laziness?

What I see now is very different from what he'd been telling me two years ago "we" would be doing. So much for the rat race.

I feel bad and lonely. I live in a hotel, so it's hard to get in the mood that I'm really going to live in this country, thus no incentive to learn the language. I need to smoke to forget for now.